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For the Mom Who's Yours

Celebrating a Wife on Mother's Day

By Dan Seaborn

For the husband whose wife who is also a mom, Mother’s Day is a great opportunity to show some extra appreciation to the woman in your life. She’s not your mom, but she’s a mom and she’s yours. So here are some ideas to help you cherish her—ten solid tips for cherishing your wife, both on Mother’s Day and all year long.

1.    Value her opinion. When there’s a decision to make or a problem to solve, ask for her outlook first. Of all the people who are invested in your life—who know you and care about the things that matter to you, she tops the list. So give her the chance to weigh in on the important choices you’re making and to help answer the key questions you’re facing.

2.    Compliment her. Tell her why you appreciate her, why you’re glad you married her, why you’re proud of the woman she has become. Assume that she doesn’t hear these things from you enough, so make a habit of saying them as often as you can.

3.    Put her in her place. The best place, that is. Of all the people and things that belong somewhere on the pedestals of your life, your spouse deserves the Number One spot. She’s next in line after God Himself—have you given her that honor? Do you put forth more effort for her than for your work responsibilities, your community standing, your parenting, your hobbies, your toys?

4.    Take notes. Keep a list somewhere—in your wallet, at your work station, in your underwear drawer—of 3 or 4 things that are significant in your wife’s life. Maybe the list includes a belief, a person, or a cause that particularly grips her heart. Or maybe it mentions something that makes her feel beautiful, gives her security, makes her laugh. Whatever’s on the list, do your best to value and provide those things for the woman you love.

5.    Change. On a day when you’re feeling especially thick-skinned, ask your wife if there’s something you could change in order to be a better husband to her. Could you spend more time at home? Interrupt less? Be affectionate more often? If you dare, have your wife help you set a goal for one specific area in your marriage, and then do what you can—for her sake and yours—to start reaching that goal.

6.    See her as ‘spiritual’ more than ‘sexual.’ To put this bluntly, your wife is a soul, not just a sex partner. And if you’re already nodding in agreement to that, great job. But I’ll ask you to take things one step further: pause for a second here and think about how often you treat your spouse as if her spiritual being matters more to you than her physical being. Today, look for ways to nurture what’s eternal.

7.    Pray with her. When I was a pastor in a church, I prayed with everybody and for anybody—except my wife Jane. She brought that to my attention one day several years ago, and God used it to convict me of the fact that she is the first person I should talk to God with and the first person I should talk with Him about. I’d encourage you to adopt the same viewpoint, to pray with and for your wife on a regular basis.

8.    Read Ephesians 5. And remind yourself that scripture compares the love of a husband to his wife with the love Christ showed the Church. It’s a sacrificial, selfless, serving love—the kind of love that doesn’t come naturally for people. Try it out in your marriage today!

9.    Go first. When the two of you have a disagreement and apologies need to be made, go first. When you’re unsure of how to handle a tough issue in your relationship, go first with the discussion. Don’t wait for her to initiate the difficult conversations and vulnerable moments—make sure they happen by making them happen.

10.    Stay Committed. Till death do you part. Build on your love day after day, month after month, year after year. Be faithful, and make sure she knows you plan to stay happily married for life. Tell your kids too—one of the greatest ways you can celebrate Mother’s Day is to assure your kids that, no matter what, Mom will always have Dad by her side.

Dan Seaborn is the founder of Winning At Home, Inc., and a speaker for 2007 Promise Keepers events. This article was written in conjunction with Winning At Home staff editor Lisa Velthouse.