I have found there are four stages in the decline of masculinity.
The first two:
This is where many Christian men are today. They are good people, but they abdicate their responsibilities and roles. They obey the “rules” as best they can: they go to church on most Sundays and go to a Bible study sometimes. Their lives are typified not by action but by reaction. They don’t work to improve the lives of those around them. A passive man doesn’t get involved.
2. Macho Man.
A macho man or a male chauvinist is someone who is insecure in his masculinity. He is constantly looking for ways to show or tell about his manliness. Of him the old cliche is true: “The older I get, the better I was.” He is a man of action but only action that comes from his pride. Say something offensive to the person next to him and he’ll laugh. Say it to him and he’ll punch you or insult you back. He is jealous for a name, but it isn’t God’s or even those in his family (unless his pride is at stake). He is jealous for his own name because he worships himself.
For further reading, check out Rise of the Servant Kings by Promise Keepers Chairman Ken Harrison. To download a free chapter, visit riseoftheservantkings.org. (All profits from sales of Rise of the Servant Kings are donated to support Promise Keepers.)
Paul was often perplexed (2 Corinthians 4:8). Abraham and Moses stumbled in impatience (Genesis 16:1-4; Numbers 20:7-12). We must learn to wait for and seek God in every moment.
Sometimes we cry out to God that we’ll do anything for Him, and He smiles and says, “Then just wait, son.” “Whoever is faithful in very little is also faithful in much, and whoever is unrighteous in very little is also unrighteous in much” (Luke 16:10). We say, “God, use me to change the world!” But He knows we still have too much pride, too much confidence in self, too much love of this world, too much concern for what others think.
He says, “Do the little things that I place in front of you every day and learn to hear Me when I tell you to do them; them we’ll get to the bigger things.” We say, “Send me to Africa to feed the poor!” He says, “Why not start with the boy down the street who doesn’t have a father in the home? Obey Me in the little things and I’ll give you bigger things to do.” Sometimes our waiting for God isn’t waiting for Him at all. Instead, we are waiting for ourselves to gain the maturity that He needs us to have in order to bless us with what we ask.
Excerpted and paraphrased from Rise of the Servant Kings by Promise Keepers Chairman Ken Harrison. To download a free chapter, visit riseoftheservantkings.org. (All profits from sales of Rise of the Servant Kings are given to support Promise Keepers.)
Ken is the Chairman and CEO of Promise Keepers. These questions are adapted from Ken’s recent appearance on New Life Live, a nationally syndicated Christian counseling call-in program hosted by Steve Arterburn.
Question: My wife and I have been married 32 years but separated for four years. She said she’s not happy and checked out of the marriage. I found out she was having affairs. She doesn’t want to be divorced because I take care of everything, and she likes that. What do I do?
Answer: I’m deeply saddened your wife has chosen to violate your marriage with the sin of adultery. Yet it’s also clear your wife has reached a point she doesn’t respect you. You need to re-establish her respect for you. Go to her and ask her, “What kind of man do you want me to be?” Then see if you can be that man. You will also need to draw boundaries about the kind of behavior you are willing to tolerate from her. In order for you to have a real marriage, she will need to give up her sin. Finally, don’t forget the power of prayer. If we humble ourselves and hit our knees, it’s amazing what God can do to affect other people’s hearts.
Question: When a marriage fails, is it always the man’s fault? My wife is moving out and we’re headed for divorce. I feel like I’ve done everything I can. How is it my fault?
Answer: You, as the husband, are accountable for what goes on in your home, but not everything is your fault. You are the leader and must lay down your life to try to address whatever challenges arise in your home, even if you did not cause them. However, you cannot control other people. If your wife chooses to leave, she is ultimately responsible for her own actions. Jesus, the Love of our souls, still has people reject Him. If you’re struggling under false guilt, let it go. But do continue to pray for your wife and hope for reconciliation.
Judge Vance Day will serve as president alongside Ken Harrison, the Chairman and CEO of Promise Keepers.
Our Lord is calling men across the nation, indeed the world, to be Servant Kings. Each generation has a calling upon it to stand tall for what God is doing here on the earth.
In the 1990s, we sensed God moving and accepted His challenge to step up and call men to action. Praise God, we saw Promise Keepers become the largest movement of men in the history of the church, with millions of men repenting of their sins and dedicating their lives to Christ. Now, we sense God’s calling upon Promise Keepers once again. We all know that our nation urgently needs a revival of godly men living out true masculinity.
Last month we laid hands upon Judge Vance Day and affirmed his calling to be President of Promise Keepers. He is a man of great integrity and steadfast resilience. He has been tested in the crucible of intense fire and shown his mettle to be that of the Lord. He is a faithful husband, father, brother, and friend. Judge Day is a man who mirrors the admonition of 1 Timothy 3: 1-7. He is a man of the Word and possesses a joy which only comes out of severe testing. We trust him.
Ken Harrison, who will continue as Chairman and CEO of Promise Keepers, and Vance Day have stepped into a rich heritage of leaders who have accepted the challenge to call men together for restoration and revival – not only in this nation, but across the world.
Today, men of God have a choice to make. Are they committed to reading the word of God daily? Are they determined to embrace brothers who are racially different? Are they loyal to their local pastor and church? Are they protecting their wives and children? We are convinced the answers are “yes” from Ken and Vance to each of these questions! Accordingly, we challenge men of God to join Ken and Vance as warriors determined to ignite revival in America in this hour!
We congratulate Vance as he accepts this great responsibility and calling. We will be praying for him. We ask that you do so as well.
“If you have faith the size of a mustard seed,” the Lord said, “you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you.
“Which one of you having a slave tending sheep or plowing will say to him when he comes in from the field, ‘ Come at once and sit down and eat’? Instead, will he not tell him, ‘Prepare something for me to eat, get ready, and serve me while I eat and drink; later you can eat and drink’? Does he thank that slave because he did what was commanded? In the same way, when you have done all that you were commanded, you should say, ‘We are good-for-nothing slaves; we’ve only done our duty.'”
What is our Lord’s answer to how we can increase our faith? It is to work hard, not expecting a reward. Those who work diligently will increase their faith, allowing them to do more and more, to hear His voice, and to have a vibrant prayer life. This in turn allows them to obey as second nature. Then God can use them for great things.
Excerpted from Rise of the Servant Kings by Promise Keepers Chairman Ken Harrison. To download a free chapter, visit riseoftheservantkings.org. (All profits from sales of Rise of the Servant Kings are donated in support of Promise Keepers.)
Promise Keepers’ next stadium event will be held next year – July 31-August 1, 2020 in the Dallas-Ft. Worth area.
Sign up now for the ability to purchase your registration on July 31, 2019, the day before registration sales open to the public on August 1. Lock in your seat before they sell out! (Signing up today does not obligate you to purchase a registration, so there is no risk to you.)
Important update: Due to the impact of COVID-19, the Promise Keepers 2020 Conference has been moved to a virtual event. The contents included in this post may be out of date. Read the details here.
You are an important part of the Promise Keepers family. That’s why I want you to be among the first to know we’ve just announced the location of our next national conference:
On July 31-August 1, 2020, a projected 80,000+ men will join together to raise the roof at the AT&T Stadium in Arlington, Texas, home of the Dallas Cowboys! We will also simulcast the event to a projected 5 million men, spreading the impact far across our nation and the world.
Mark your calendar now. Starting June 1, you and your friends can register for the event at promisekeepers.org for the ability to order tickets before they are released to the public. I’ll share more details in the weeks ahead.
Why Promise Keepers’ next national conference in the Dallas-Ft. Worth area is so important:
Can you imagine what would happen if the men of America stepped forward and truly lived out their responsibilities before God?
Can you imagine the sea change we would witness across our nation?
For too long, society has pushed men to be passive and effeminized. We’re told we’re “toxic.” Men are taught to sit by and do nothing while our families crumble around us. But the Bible has something else to say. “Act like men,” the Apostle Paul said, “be strong” (1 Corinthians 16:13 NASB). (Continue reading below)
That’s why our next event will feature speakers who will preach from the Word of God with power and inspire men to take up their responsibilities as servant kings. Our worship will shake the stadium’s foundations. And we’re planning for our impact to continue long after the event as teams of men rise up to change their communities for Christ.
We need you to be part of this.
First, please join me in praying. Let’s get on our knees and ask God to make this event a catalyst that raises up an army of warriors for Christ who will be leaders in their homes, their churches, and their communities.
Second, join us in Dallas! We need men of all ages, all races, and from all walks of life to be part of this. Because we are stronger together.
Third, get your church to show the simulcast of the event live. You might not be able to make it to Dallas, but you can gather men together to sing the same songs, listen to the same speakers and pray the same prayers with us. Bring your sons, your father, your neighbor and let’s have the men of our nation filling out voices in unison to praise our Lord.
The event is projected to draw 80,000 men from across the country and around the world, with another 5 million participating via simulcast.
Ken Harrison, CEO and Chairman of Promise Keepers, revealed what was new and different about the new era of Promise Keepers:
“It’s the difference between analog and digital. Today, our goal is to get men digitally integrated — something that simply wasn’t possible before. Assembling men in the 1990s by the tens and hundreds of thousands had never been done before — but what about after? What about when men leave the stadium and go home? Many things were tried, but it just wasn’t possible to effectively network, encourage and strengthen men at home.”
“Today, we can not only do stadium events, digital integration allows us to provide the full spectrum of men’s ministry: a catalytic event that sparks fellowship, discipleship, and the formation and nurturing of change making teams of men in communities everywhere, working together to impact the core of our culture.”
Ken Harrison went on to discuss the critical need for clarity about what it means to be a good man in a culture increasingly toxic to masculinity:
“Psychologists claim masculinity is toxic. Governments and public schools mandate and proselytize that everyone must select our own gender identity, which can correlate with assigned sex at birth or can differ from it. That there are no right answers when it comes to being a man or a woman. Pop culture icons are lionized for their decision to raise their children gender neutral so they can decide what gender they want to be. And of course, there’s the infamous Gillette commercial, which hit bottom and kept digging. The result, men are fearful, passive and distracted, focusing on sports, Fortnite and porn instead of rising up and leading their families. In this swirling time of confusion, Promise Keepers is raising high the standard of biblical masculinity without apology and rallying men everywhere to join them.”
One of the most timely aspects of the new era of Promise Keepers is the prospect of drawing multiple generations to the AT&T Stadium event. Judge Vance Day, COO and general counsel of Promise Keepers said:
“One of the most powerful benefits of Promise Keepers is the ability for sons, fathers, and grandfathers to experience the event together. While Baby Boomers remember this with fondness, today’s millennials, who are coming into their own as husbands, fathers and in their careers, long to have the same experience with their own fathers. That’s why tickets for the AT&T Stadium event will reflect a significant discount for intergenerational groups.”
Day revealed that Promise Keepers is also introducing a new format:
“Instead of having multiple regional events, the new era of Promise Keepers will feature one massive event for the entire country each year that will be simulcast to locations around the world. And because men will be drawn from the entire country, the event will now consist of a session Friday night and Saturday, a concert Saturday night, and an optional day of service Sunday.”
Preregistration for the AT&T Stadium event begins June 1, 2019. Speakers and musicians will be announced in fall 2019. Stay tuned for more information as it is released via emails (like this one) and our Facebook page: www.Facebook.com/PromiseKeepers.